CAUTION: Offensive language.

I was in a local restaurant the other day. I sat in the corner as far away from people as I could. I had the computer opened on my table, and was obviously working.

This woman brings her 2 kids, mother, and husband over and sits down at the table right next to me, blocking me in. There were plenty of other tables, but she chose to invade my space.

Result: panic attack. I quickly gathered my things and wedged myself out of the table. In the process, I dropped the computer. And let out a very frustrated expletive.

It's said that profanity is hard wired to our lizard brain. It's our last defense when all other speech has escaped. I guess my lizard brain is healthy because I can always find a four letter word when the rest of my vocabulary goes bye-bye.

Well, you'd think I had flipped off the Pope. The woman made a point to walk by my new table and make some snide remark, then went to the restaurant manager and complained. Some guy at the next table (sporting poor dental hygeine and wearing his shirt backwards...) made a comment about rudeness. Everyone had an opinion.

I just wanted to be left alone.

The thing about anxiety disorders is that you can't always predict a panic attack. You never know what the trigger or the response will be. After the attack it's a bit like being post-seizure. Your head screams, then becomes dull. Your body starts out rigid, then it morphs into a gelatinous blob. I find I can't complete a decent sentence for several minutes, until the adrenaline subsides. By then, the damage is done.

So the next time you find yourself blurting out anything offensive, take a deep breath, count to 100, meditate...and forgive yourself. It's just your prehistoric brain trying to communicate.